This is a new bit designed to let you get something off your chest. If someone really annoys you by their mere presence on this planet, then vent your spleen here.
In the first of our new series, J.F.O. (Just F*** Off) the first person to come under the hammer is the "wee" Scottish person called Gail Porter, who has somehow managed to infiltrate the nation's TV sets and crops up on every bloody TV programme that she can (still waiting for her Through the Keyhole debut though). From the early morning Big Breakfast to Top of the Pops and through to dotcomedy, we all have to put up with her huge eyes that look as if they're going to pop any second, her annoying twee Scottish accent, and her "aren't I cute and wee and funny?"
NO, YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE BLOODY ANNOYING! GO AWAY!
And it's not as if you can get away from here by reading a magazine. There she is, either in FHM, Maxim, Loaded or all three! And so much for her final nude photo shoot that appeared last year - she's only gone and stripped off again recently. KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON WOMAN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
And did projecting a huge photo of her on the House of Commons really shift more copies of FHM? - I don't think so. The whole country just thought, "Oh God, it's Gail Porter without her clothes again!" and turned off the TV.
And cutting her hair didn't help improve her image at all. It just made her look even more like an annoying pixie, that you wish would just fall back down the wishing well.
So, Miss Gail Porter, J.F.O.!!
Saturday, 31 March 2001
Tuesday, 6 March 2001
Atomic Kitten - the little group that could
Ah, Atomic Kitten. Where to begin? Formed in 1998, when Kerry Katona met Elizabeth "Liz / Lil" McClarnon and decided to set up a group with Natasha "Tash" Hamilton. After a while, they signed a record deal with Innocent in 1999, and released their first single "Right Now" in December of that same year. (Rumours that they were to be called Nuclear Pussy are incorrect and forwarded only by Mr. B. Molko of Placebo. It is a great name though...) The record did okay, ending up in the Top 10, and was followed by more singles, including the stonking "I Want Your Love", a mix of the High Chapperal theme and a funky pop song. An album was released, "Right Now", which did very little, very quickly.
We at the kinkyMachine had adopted the girls, mainly because we felt they were going nowhere. We liked their underdog spirit, their northern charms, and their determination to do their thing, even if the general public seemed to be ignoring them. These days, it seems like you have to be a success immediately in the pop game, or else you'll be out before you can say Chesney Hawkes. We heard all the rumours, that Kerry was suffering from exhaustion and depression. The end is nigh, we felt.
And then a few strange things happened. Kerry appeared in Hello! magazine with her boyfriend Bryan from Westlife. Then the band released "Whole Again", a quite nice ballad, with a Sugababes styled video. Then Kerry said she was leaving the band because she was pregnant. The world was shocked, and not just because one of Westlife has been allowed to reproduce. Bang zoom, she was gone. The Kittens thought about it for a while, as they had a single to promote, and so drafted in Jenny Frost, an ex-member of one-time Eurovision hopefuls, Precious. And then "Whole Again" went to number one, beating U2's "Stuck in a moment..." ("We've been licked by the Kitten" - Bono) and stayed there for four weeks. At the time of writing, the song was spending its sixth week inside the top three. Live performances ensued, with the girls holding their own, and now Atomic Kitten are big news.
Publicity stunt? Methinks not. It did seem a strange time for Kerry to bail out of the band she started, but that's pregnancy for you. It did give them some wider recognition, but enough to make them the biggest selling act of the year so far? The song is good, but nothing special. Anyway, whatever reasons, the Kittens have proved that they can do it, and also keeping their cool at a time when most lightweight bands would have collapsed.
Sunday, 4 March 2001
Hall of Fame: Lolo Ferrari
This is the section of the kinkyMachine that celebrates, the weird, the wild and the downright peculiar. People or institutions that have stuck two fingers up at the establishment and said, "No! Cheese, peanut butter and jam is a perfectly sane sandwich filling! So there!"
We are also pleased to announce that Lolo Ferrari is the inaugural member of the kinkyMachine Hall of Fame - an award dedicated to those that exceed the boundaries of everyday life and push the limits of the unusual.
Regular viewers of Channel 4's Eurotrash were no doubt saddened to hear of the untimely death of one of the programme's presenters, Miss Lolo Ferrari. Lolo first came to the world's attention at the Cannes Film Festival in May 1995, where she unleashed her charms (namely her reported 71 inch breasts) on an unsuspecting public.
From that point on, she became a celebrated feature on Eurotrash, which followed her career, including her single "Airbag Generation", and a film called Camping Cosmos (kind of a European "Carry On..." - shudder!) She was perhaps best known on the show for her section "Lolopops", where she reviewed the latest Euro pop "sensations", as well as the sublime "Look at Lolo" where the show focused on Lolo performing a number of activities, such as hula-hooping, with a couple of chums.
Always striving to alter her appearances (some reports say that she was a very troubled person who suffered from "body morphic" disorder which prevents people from seeing themselves as they really are), she allegedly underwent 22 operations on her body, especially her face and breasts. There was a rumour that her final implants were designed by a Boeing engineer to withstand the pressures of air-travel.
Although she was a product of the image-obsessed nineties, she had many fans across the world, especially Germany and Austria (where they probably bought most of her records too!) We here at the KinkyMachine salute you, Lolo, and we hope you find the peace (and the perfect body you so desired) wherever you are now.
We are also pleased to announce that Lolo Ferrari is the inaugural member of the kinkyMachine Hall of Fame - an award dedicated to those that exceed the boundaries of everyday life and push the limits of the unusual.
Regular viewers of Channel 4's Eurotrash were no doubt saddened to hear of the untimely death of one of the programme's presenters, Miss Lolo Ferrari. Lolo first came to the world's attention at the Cannes Film Festival in May 1995, where she unleashed her charms (namely her reported 71 inch breasts) on an unsuspecting public.
From that point on, she became a celebrated feature on Eurotrash, which followed her career, including her single "Airbag Generation", and a film called Camping Cosmos (kind of a European "Carry On..." - shudder!) She was perhaps best known on the show for her section "Lolopops", where she reviewed the latest Euro pop "sensations", as well as the sublime "Look at Lolo" where the show focused on Lolo performing a number of activities, such as hula-hooping, with a couple of chums.
Always striving to alter her appearances (some reports say that she was a very troubled person who suffered from "body morphic" disorder which prevents people from seeing themselves as they really are), she allegedly underwent 22 operations on her body, especially her face and breasts. There was a rumour that her final implants were designed by a Boeing engineer to withstand the pressures of air-travel.
Although she was a product of the image-obsessed nineties, she had many fans across the world, especially Germany and Austria (where they probably bought most of her records too!) We here at the KinkyMachine salute you, Lolo, and we hope you find the peace (and the perfect body you so desired) wherever you are now.
Monday, 5 February 2001
The kinkyMachine Recommends...
To celebrate our new, glorious union with Amazon.co.uk, we've developed this new page to inform you of the best things since sliced bread. Our favourite books, games, CDs, Videos and whatever else tickles our fancy will appear here, and (by the miracle of modern technology) if you click on an item, you will be whisked away to Amazon.co.uk where you will be able to purchase said item. Marvellous, isn't it?
But it doesn't stop there. Oh no. You, yes you, (no, not you, YOU!) can write in and recommend anything as well. Tell us why it's so pant-wettingly wonderful and we'll stick it up, so that others can share its excellence. Hurrah!
Right, on with the show....
The Truth by Terry Pratchett
The latest in the Discworld series, The Truth is possibly one of Terry Pratchett's best novels. The plot concerns the rise of journalism in Ankh-Morpork (The Discworld's biggest city, for all you newcomers), as well as a plot to overthrow the city's benevolent dictator, all overshadowed by a couple of wannabe Reservoir Dogs. If you are a newcomer to the Discworld, then this might actually be a good place to start. The majority of the characters are new, but there are still wonderful cameos and bit-parts for some of the old favorites (Especially the bit with the Bursar at the beginning....). Terry Pratchett's writing is as good as ever, and he's even managed to ride the plot all the way home with this book (which makes a refreshing change). If you want a good laugh, but also a brilliant insight into the manipulation of the media, then you could do no better than this book. Oh, and it's also got humourous-looking vegetables in it....
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 3 Box 1
The best show on TV at the moment (or not if you're stuck with BBC2 and its bloody snooker or whatever...), this box set contains the first half of the third season of Buffy, possibly the best it's ever got. Angel got packed off to hell at the end of the previous seson, leaving Buffy feeling a tad upset, so she went off to the big city, called herself Anne and moped around a bit. Still, after that things really get interesting. A new Slayer, Faith, turns up and starts causing some havoc (and not just 'cos Eliza Dushku is an ultimate babe - if a trifle unhinged...). Add to that the rise of the hysterical Mayor Wilkins, and you'll just about be ready for the second half of the season. The writing is excellent, the cast fabulous (Anya also gets introduced in these episodes as well, yippee!) and it really just is the badger's nadgers. Go forth and buy now!
Light Years by Kylie Minogue
She's back, and this time she's wearing a... well, not much really. Still, never mind, eh! The Princess of Pop is back to show Britney, Christina and Bob the Builder how to do it, and she's as camp as a row of pink tents. From the fabulous singles, "Spinning Around" and "On a Night Like This" to the '70s Pet Shop Boys'esque "Your Disco Needs You" this is a stunning slice of pure Pop. If you can't find the music to get down and boogie, then this is the album for you. From Donna Summer to Village People though to Robbie's "Kids", this CD will take you back in time to your youth, and memories of your parents doing unspeakable things in polyester. Brilliant, just Brilliant. 'Nuff sed. (And that's a corking picture on the cover too!)
But it doesn't stop there. Oh no. You, yes you, (no, not you, YOU!) can write in and recommend anything as well. Tell us why it's so pant-wettingly wonderful and we'll stick it up, so that others can share its excellence. Hurrah!
Right, on with the show....
The Truth by Terry Pratchett The latest in the Discworld series, The Truth is possibly one of Terry Pratchett's best novels. The plot concerns the rise of journalism in Ankh-Morpork (The Discworld's biggest city, for all you newcomers), as well as a plot to overthrow the city's benevolent dictator, all overshadowed by a couple of wannabe Reservoir Dogs. If you are a newcomer to the Discworld, then this might actually be a good place to start. The majority of the characters are new, but there are still wonderful cameos and bit-parts for some of the old favorites (Especially the bit with the Bursar at the beginning....). Terry Pratchett's writing is as good as ever, and he's even managed to ride the plot all the way home with this book (which makes a refreshing change). If you want a good laugh, but also a brilliant insight into the manipulation of the media, then you could do no better than this book. Oh, and it's also got humourous-looking vegetables in it....
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 3 Box 1 The best show on TV at the moment (or not if you're stuck with BBC2 and its bloody snooker or whatever...), this box set contains the first half of the third season of Buffy, possibly the best it's ever got. Angel got packed off to hell at the end of the previous seson, leaving Buffy feeling a tad upset, so she went off to the big city, called herself Anne and moped around a bit. Still, after that things really get interesting. A new Slayer, Faith, turns up and starts causing some havoc (and not just 'cos Eliza Dushku is an ultimate babe - if a trifle unhinged...). Add to that the rise of the hysterical Mayor Wilkins, and you'll just about be ready for the second half of the season. The writing is excellent, the cast fabulous (Anya also gets introduced in these episodes as well, yippee!) and it really just is the badger's nadgers. Go forth and buy now!
Light Years by Kylie Minogue She's back, and this time she's wearing a... well, not much really. Still, never mind, eh! The Princess of Pop is back to show Britney, Christina and Bob the Builder how to do it, and she's as camp as a row of pink tents. From the fabulous singles, "Spinning Around" and "On a Night Like This" to the '70s Pet Shop Boys'esque "Your Disco Needs You" this is a stunning slice of pure Pop. If you can't find the music to get down and boogie, then this is the album for you. From Donna Summer to Village People though to Robbie's "Kids", this CD will take you back in time to your youth, and memories of your parents doing unspeakable things in polyester. Brilliant, just Brilliant. 'Nuff sed. (And that's a corking picture on the cover too!)
Morning Everybody and Welcome to kinkyMachine!
Ah, a new year and more new stuff from the kinkyMachine (you can hardly believe your eyes, can you? Thought not!). Well, I hope you are all keeping well, whoever you are. I can't believe this site is getting nearly 30 hits a week - there must be people out there who like what we're doing here. If you are then tell us about yourselves - who you are, where you come from, whether you eat your burger first, then the fries, or the fries first then the burger, or perhaps (gasp...) both at the same time. It's important you know. I may even have to set up a survey. But I'm rambling on here....Big news this update is that kinkyMachine has become an Amazon.co.uk Associate. This means we get to put banners and things all over the site, and if someone buys something via this site, then we get a percentage of the sale. Wahey! To celebrate, we've designed a new section of the kinkyMachine where we recommend books, videos, CDs and so on, and you can buy them direct from Amazon.co.uk. Everyone's happy! If you have a recommendation, then let us know and we'll include it in a future update.
Congratulations to Atomic Kitten for their ground-breaking stay at Number 1 in the UK singles chart - "Whole Again" is the biggest selling single so far this year. We here at the kinkyMachine had adopted the little Kits - mainly because we felt they were having a damn good stab at this pop malarky and getting nowhere - and we thought they never would.... (If we ever give out betting tips on this site - IGNORE THEM!) So, in honour of the Kits success, we have nominated them to enter the kinkyMachine Hall of Fame. Hurrah!
Well, that's enough of my witterings for the moment. Keep in touch, everyone, and I'll see you around!
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